Why I, as an intelligent member of the Science Fiction Reading community,
do not like X-Files.

I could spend days on this particular subject. in fact, I have spent days
actively picking apart my reasons for the gut reaction, the *twitch* that I
feel every time someone mentions this ... show. I never had a deep and
abiding loathing for the show before I actually started watching it, but
I've always felt a dislike for the whole premise. So, after being forcefed
several episodes, I sat down and threw out everything that I *like* about
the series in order to get to the bones of what I absolutely, completely,
cannot *stand* about X-Files.

I think I'll keep you in the dark and analyze what I actually like.
Suspense is a tool best used when things are interesting, right? ... whatever.

So. I had never seen an episode of the show until the summer of '00, when
my buddy-buddy pal who now runs xfiles.sandwich.net stayed at my house, got
a library card, and borrowed about five tapes worth of the show. I, being
the obsessive-compulsive bitch that I am, insisted on watching the tapes
that we acquired in order. So I sat through the pilot, the first episode,
and a few eps of Season 3... we'd only gone to the local library at that
point, you see, and they only had two tapes... thank Goddess.

As I watched, I felt a strange attraction to the program. That was a shock
to me - I'd come to the television with the preconception that I was going
to leave at a dead run for the little girl's room to empty my stomach the
wrong way. The show was, actually, pleasant. I found the repartee to be, if
not the most witty I'd ever observed, interesting. The plot for the first
couple episodes was like the setup of any good novel - the first few steps
on Freytag's Pyramid. Characters, good; I could see Duchovny's physical
attraction if not the mental, and Anderson's mental attraction if not the
physical. So okay, the characters are obviously not what was driving me
nuts about the show.

Another thing that was most decicedly not turning me off was the horror.
All right, I'm not a horror fan, and I generally get rid of any 'terror' in
terror programming by cracking jokes and generally creating an atmosphere
of intellectual superiority which deflects any horror-rays emitted by the
television set. There was some creepy stuff, but the very fact that this is
a television series and they can't kill off everyone they have under
contract made it easier to bear.

So obviously it isn't the characters or the atmosphere that was the
turn-off. So what was it?

Remember when I said that the first couple episodes felt like the first few
steps on Freytag's pyramid? The third ep is where it falls on its ass.

I understand and empathize with Chris Carter's decision to make the X-Files
more about paranormal phenomena and less about Mulder's chase for aliens.
If the series had been structured that way from the beginning, I would have
appreciated it more. But the series needed a 'hook', something to attract
the viewers, and they settled on... aliens.

Now, don't get me wrong. I appreciate aliens. Some of my favorite novels
are those about aliens, alien invasions of Earth, humans having to
understand aliens... which might very well be my problem. I enjoy stories
like Mote in God's Eye, Footfall, Forienger, Worldwar...

But these 'greys' - the modern-day, pop-culture, cheezy flying-saucer
people... I don't get it. I honestly don't *get* it. It's mainstream sf/f,
what everyone thinks of when you say 'aliens', and it's the kind of
misconception that drives me crazy.

I mean... when I think 'aliens', I don't think 'greys' (or 'Vulcans' to you
Star Trek fans, or 'Minbari' to the B5 fans); I think of the moties, who
are both sexes at different times in their lifespan and must breed or die.
Or the Race of Turtledove's novels, whose most radical libearal factions
are like Buchanan in space. Or the Atevi, who have 14 words for betrayal
and no words for love. Or the British; to be perfectly frank, there's not
much more alien to an American than our cousins across the ocean. I mean...
sheesh. Anyway, I can think of many many examples of well-crafted alien
beings with wild and crazy cultures and forms that are just plain cool. Not
so with the greys.

And not only does the series commit the unforgivable crime of using these
aliens as its pivotal plot, it does so in a manner that explains nothing
for as long as they can, gives us no *feeling* for these astral travellers,
gives in to every tabloid story out there - and then, unexplainably, gives
us random episodes of other 'unexplainable' phenomena to waste time in
between the episodes where we are *not* learning about the aliens!

It's almost as though they have a man standing on a box, waving his arms
and shouting, "Look! Look! Aliens! Shiny! Look! See! Look! Aliens!" ... all
while keeping our attention away from the gigantic gaps of reason and logic
already forming in the sidewalk next to him.

So there you have it; I cannot stand the aliens. If they were done well, I
would probably be more than happy to join the throng of fen - oops, sorry,
they prefer to be 'philes' instead. But there is nothing that annoys me so
much as an entire plot device left unsupported because of lack of time and
creativity on the part of the creators. Ye Goddess - they could at least
have guesses and brainstorms as to what these creatures are and why they
are here (if they are), but for all his theories and explainations Agent
Mulder is mute on the one question that I must, *must!* as a writer, an
actor, and a thinking person ask:

What do they want?

Thank you and good night!